Have you been dating someone for a while and started to feel like they’re too good to be true? You may be dating a narcissist. Narcissists are often charming, manipulative, and demanding. If you’re in a relationship with one, it can be hard to get out. But don’t worry, we’re here to help. Read on for 11 signs that you’re dating a narcissist and how to get out before it’s too late.
Everyone sure is a little self-obsessed with themselves and who wouldn’t want to be around those who appreciate and love themselves? But when it goes a little too overboard, it gets concerning. Narcissistic personality disorder or NPD is a disorder where one has this immense sense of self-importance for themselves. They’re people who are in constant need of admiration and validation.
It can be really shocking and confusing to be around such people and even more exhausting if you’re dating one but hey that doesn’t mean they’re a menace to society or unlovable people. Dating them or even being friends with them can sometimes be hard but with few efforts, we can totally work this out. Here we have summarised 11 signs that you can look out for, whether your partner is a narcissist.
11 Signs of Dating a Narcissist
- Lack of empathy: This is a very common and the most seen sign in every narcissist. They do not validate your opinions nor can they feel what one is going through. You cannot talk about how your day had been or even the slightest of the things that worry you or even make you happy because they simply lack the ability to understand or empathize with you.
- Gaslighting: This is a form of manipulation or one can even call it emotional abuse. This definitely defines the core characteristic of narcissism. They have a way of making the situation according to the way they wish it to be. Often you might find yourself apologizing, no longer feel safe around them, and often getting anxious about slightest of the things. You can also feel less confident and self-doubt never leaves you and the constant need to apologize for every action made by your partner. You start to wonder that everything that you do is wrong and that they’re right and you start getting weary of your identity.
- Superiority complex: They least give any damn to your feelings and only care about their own feelings and often tend to overpower you in every possible way. They tend to put someone else down by behaving in a certain way that might hurt or inflict upon their insecurities just to make themselves feel better.
- Controlling conversations: Although every conversation is a two-way process, often narcissistic people make the conversation seem more of just themselves. They tend to somehow divert the attention back to themselves. They love being the center of attention and will try anything to make the focus just on them. You can find them not paying attention to the details of whatever you say and often they interrupt you and push it to a topic or viewpoints that are just about them.
- Charming in the beginning: They might start off being pleasant and really fun people to hang around with. They might initially tell how much of a nice person you are and how well you both can get along but all of this is a mere way of pleasing you so that you can appreciate them back. Narcissistic people have this tendency to be around certain special people who are the only ones who can appreciate and compliment them always. Once you do something that puts off their belief, it goes all upside down and this probably would have nothing to do with you or your actions but something that is based on their beliefs and notions.
- Feeding off compliments: Usually, we seem to think that such people are full of themselves and very much confident but it is so not true. They lack self-esteem and tend to fulfill their inner desires by constantly looking out for validation and acceptance. They tend to be around people who are very empathetic so they can get a lot of praise that would boost their self-worth and make them feel better and more confident. Unlike naturally confident people, narcissistic people look out for compliments to lift themselves up. If you cannot provide the same, they would simply just go look for it elsewhere. They always boost themselves up by putting someone else down.
- Lacking long-term friends: If you closely look a little closer at their past relationships, you might only find very casual acquaintances. They’d constantly make you feel guilty or bad when you hang out with your friends or even trash talk about them.
- Picking on constantly: It’d probably seem like it is out of fun but they sure have crossed the border ages long. They keep putting you down for everything that you do including the way you eat or sit and constantly call you out even if it is in public. Once you react to it, they might keep doing it even more.
- Averting when it comes to defining the relationship: Narcissistic people are so full of themselves that they will make sure they avert every possible mention of defining the relationship. They make sure to make the most out of the benefits from the relationship and also make sure to look out for other prospects or options that they might find superior or better.
- Never apologize and only believe in what they say: Arguments or talking it out can never be done with narcissistic people. They always find a way to turn it against you. They think they’re never wrong which obviously will make them never apologize. Their actions definitely seem like the type to not care about you and one where you’re not heard and they make no efforts to understand you whatsoever.
- Lash out and panic when you distance: The moment you realize that this relationship is hindering and oppressing you, you distance. Once this happens, they throw all sorts of tantrums as a way to bring you back and try every possible way to keep you as a part of their lives. But this happens only till you both get back and once that is done, things go back to where they were, square one. Narcissistic people often find themselves in on-off relationships.
DEALING WITH NARCISSISTS
This in no way is a self-diagnosis list or a list to see whether your partner is a narcissist or not. They are just a few signs observed and reported as to how it would look like if you were in a narcissistic relationship. Always consult a doctor and get it diagnosed before looking up the signs and symptoms. Since we’re clear with that, let’s address how we deal with it now that you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
It very much is tiring and exhausting to be with someone who constantly nags at you or picks on you, criticizing, humiliating, gaslighting, or belittling you. And it is never a pleasant way to run the day or even healthy for your mental health. It can be tormenting and if prone for a longer time, it can cause serious issues.
Experts always suggest distance and breaking the relationship in the best way possible. Narcissistic people can get really devasted at the rejection but that’s the best for both of you. You cannot change your attitude or opinion to meet their demands and neither are you obligated to act in a certain way to please them. They will never be in accordance with you nor can they empathize with you over time even if you both try to work it out.
They are always in need of something more and will always be in that need so at one point you’ll also not be enough for them as they cannot be enough for themselves for that matter. Although at one point you had loved them early, it is time to cut ties and make sure to never look back at it. They will try every way to get you back but remember that this will only turn into a cycle that you can never escape. Therapy might work out but narcissistic people do not believe in anything told by someone other than the self so it is always healthy to break it off than leading it to a dead end.